Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
