Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
