I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
