i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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