Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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