I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
