I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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