Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
