last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am naked and annoyed.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
