drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
