Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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