Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
