He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Mom said you looked used
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
