The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
