When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
