That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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