you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Randomize
