I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
