it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
