Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
