We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Never joke about your clitoris.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
