omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
