too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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