Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
