I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
All I want is dick and wine.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
