ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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