Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
