She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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