I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
