meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
