He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
