I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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