omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Im part way to drunk.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
