I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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