I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
