If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
