1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
