Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
