I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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