I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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