This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
