I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
