yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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