true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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