omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
