Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
