She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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