It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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