He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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