dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
